I've been away from my blog for a while...my apologies to anyone who might have dropped in looking for me. I have a new/old job. It's a job I've done before, only in a new place, and with new people. It's a care facility for Alzheimer's patients. Have I mentioned yet today how much I hate this disease! I haven't? Unusual for me..I usually manage to work it into the conversation at least a dozen times a day! It is THE most insiduous, horrific thing I have ever had the occasion to be involved with.
Imagine...every morning when you wake up, it's the day after your only daughter has died...the grief is fresh and heart-rending.
Imagine...you mowed the lawn, played a little foodball with your grandson, and then went upstairs for a little nap...only to wake in a strange place full of people you don't know who keep telling you you "live" here now!
Sound like an episode of "The Twilight Zone"? Well, it is. But for the people I work with every day, it's their reality. And they have no idea how they got there, or how to get out! Imagine!
No wonder then that they imprint and cling to people like me...people who are there EVERY day..when you're that scared and that confused, you hang onto every, any thing you see that you remember. For my friends, that's someone or something they see every day!
I have no wish here to belittle, denegrate or accuse. I am a 1st hand observer of what this disease does...to people, to families, to friends, to those who care. My wish here is only, maybe for my own sake, to spit out, and I do mean spit, my disgust, my horror, and my hatred for what I consider to be the most heinious disease we've ever fought. Just like the "smart" bombs, it leaves the "buildings" unharmed, but destroys all of the humanity, the wonderful humans who once lived and thought and loved there. My God, what a horror! Nothing but empty "buildings".
So...here is my "Top 10 List of Things I Hate Most About Alzheimer's Disease"
#10. It leaves empty "buildings".
#9. It takes away wonderful, beautiful people...people who still had things to do, something to do, and to teach.
#8 It takes those people away from their families, people who loved them before they understood they still had something to do...something to teach.
#7 It puts those people through a daily hell not of their own making.
#6. It's hearing someone say, "They used to BE someone!" They are STILL someone...just someone different!
#5 It's a hell their families and loved ones have to watch, and can't help them with.
#4 It's seeing the families feel quilty for for not being able to help. You can't. It's not your fault.
#3 Seeing the hurt look in a family member's eye when their "loved" one clings to me, and doesn't remember who you are.
#2 It's knowing, it will never "get better"...that that wonderful person is gone forever, even tho they're sitting right in front of you.
And the #1 reason I hate this disease? Is having to watch it, praying every night that someone like me will be there if one day I wake up from my nap....
Imagine!
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That was a very moving post and brilliantly written. I really dread the thought of being affected this disease.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. i used to be a weekly volunteer visitor to an elderly patient, "Norm", a few years ago, who suffered the same thing you describe exactly. Lovely guy, and loved seeing me when i came around to just hang out socially for a few hours once a week. but not every time... i heard the same stories every single week - but I didn;t mind. It was sad when he eventually passed away.
ReplyDeleteIt is indeed a horrible thing to watch..to be around every day. My saving grace is that I seem to be able to find little "sparks" here and there of the wonderful, talented, loving people they must once have been. That's what I work for every day...to see that "spark".
ReplyDeleteAs I said, they still ARE someone, just someone different than they used to be. And I love them all, especially the difficut ones who need the most...they're the ones who are the most scared, and I fight with them every day, with every ounce of hatred and anger I feel, against this disease!!
Thanks for reading guys! Know it was a depressing post, but sometimes it's rail against the monster or it will get me! I'll post a happy one here soon...promise! :)
I'm now a very big admirer of YOU because of the job you have!!!
ReplyDeleteI've spent a lot of time at elderly homes because of my passed away Mom, so I know how tough your job is.... and how much it means to all involved.
I also have a sister working at an elderly home. I can only hope that when our time comes, we're taken care of by persons like you and her.... (though I have my doubts... or fears)
Kudos for your work!