And so, why do I care?

I have been bugged for months by people, and you know who you are, to start a blog. "You can write. You should put your words "out there". It was the "out there" that always worried me. I wasn't sure where "out there" was, or if I wanted my words, my thoughts, my feelings wherever it was!
I have written my whole life...mostly to myself, because there, there was no lying, no compromise. I said exactly what I thought/felt/meant at that moment with no fear of recrimination or blame. I knew no one else would ever read it, so I could be absolutely honest. Obviously, the thought that my words/thoughts/feelings were being immediately sent to anyone with access to a computer posed a serious worry, on two fronts.
One, what if someone I knew saw it and didn't like what I said? Was offended? Was hurt? The other, finding myself writing an "edited" version of what I wanted to say to keep #1 from happening. Can't say right this moment which one unnerved me more!
Even in my novels, I wrote "honestly"...not ever believing anyone else would see it, and writing "in the moment". I don't believe anyone who knows me would ever believe I had those thoughts, feelings in me...can't blame them! I've spent a lifetime NOT putting that "me" out there! My writing has always been one of the few things I considered "mine"!
So you can see my dilemma. The "blog" is new to me...it feels like a cross between a journal and a chat room...trying to connect by being who you are, while watching every word you say for fear of offending, which I'm pretty sure has nothing to do with who we really are!

So. I have entered this new realm, tho I still find myself "editing" what I say here...wondering if it's "good" enough, or "witty" enough. And finally deciding that, to anyone who reads, or follows this or whatever they call it, it will just have to "be enough". For me, it's enough that I put it "out there".

Write on!

Web-Betty just got a VERY irritated email from me about how the hell to do a new post here! I apologize, especially since she de-plurked about an hour ago, a true sign she really is done for the day.

As I have said, I am brand new to this blog thing. I didn't realize I couldn't post a new post unless I went thru Blogger 1st. Thought I could just go to MY blog, and go from there. I hear all of you "blogladites" out there...I can hear the soft whispers. "How dumb can you be? What a Moron!!" I know! (Craig Furgeson)I'm thinking the same thing!

In defense of ape-like creatures like myself, I DID figure it out, and so here I am with yet another nonsensical musing! Real shame is that I actually had something to say tonight, but between half a bottle of vodka and 2 fu*^ing hours of trying to figure out how to get to a place where I could put it in words, I FORGOT IT ALL!

OK, not all of it. More's the shame. But I got a new follower of this today! I did! In all honesty, it was only because web-betty turned her onto me, but fine! I will take every friend from everywhere I can get!! The only way I get out anymore is thru the prongs on the plug that attach my computer to the world!

To actually know that there is another person, besides my daughter who is reading this, is Nirvana!! I digress.

With all of the wonderful people out there with all of their wonderful words, I am humbled, honored, scared shitless and ashamed to put my words "out there". If I do, unlike any other time in our lives, I am sharing "space" with the Shakespears, and the Hemmingways, and the Gershwins of our time. What gives me that right!

And yet, here I am, believing I have a right to send my words out into the same space they inhabit! Well, their words stay with us. Their words inspire us. Their words move us. But you know what? Every writer from Shakespear to Ira Gershwin to the person who sits and writes in their dining room after the kids are asleep wrote what they wrote because it's what they BELIEVED...what they FELT...at that time! They had to get it out. And the reason we still cling to their words is because they ring true. They were honest. So even tho our words may never be remembered, or move generations, if they are YOUR words, and they are true and honest, there will always be people on this planet who will relate, and know they aren't the only ones who feel like YOU DO!

I have read many ideas on many websites about "how, when, where" you SHOULD write. I say you should only write when you FEEL words. You should NEVER write for anyone but yourself. Unless you want to sell, and make mega bucks! And even the mega bucks writers wrote 1st for themselves! Think about it! Write on!

Were is it written...

That was to be the original title of my blog. This was to be a blog for writers like myself who have been writing forever, and as my daughter puts it, doesn't "do anything with it." She's right! If my Mother, in her usual sneaky fashion hadn't made me a birthday present of a word processor, (computers were still "new" and the size of small moving vans!) 3 reams of typing paper and a smug "Now what's your excuse" look 13 years ago, I probably never would have finished the 1st book at all!

As it was, I finished it 6 months before my Mother died, and one of the proudest moments of my life was they day she finished reading it, and liked it! She even quoted certain passages she had particularly liked. No doubt to prove to me had read the whole thing. Now not to say that my Mother was always critical, but having her say she liked it was...well, it just doesn't get any better than that in my world!

I have collaborated with musician friends of mine on several songs that they still sing when they have a gig. Again, there is that 1st second of wonder and pride when you hear words you wrote sung in public, in my case, in front of every freind we knew!

I have always known I have a talent with words. Please, don't let these posts serve as an indication of that talent until I figure out what I'm doing, and get used to the knowledge that someone else is actually going to see this!

And so, let's write! I'll show you mine if you show me yours! Isn't there a line, or a sentance that you've written that you just KNOW is killer, and no one's ever seen it? I got a hundred of 'em! So maybe I'll hear from you.