I came back to Denver 7 months ago under the auspicises of " staying" with a friend until I could find a job. She had an extra room, was all alone but was independant and living on her own. I was offered the use of her car to look for a job, and the assurance that she could "take care of herself".
Morph 7 months into the future...I don't even know how to describe the last 5 months of my life, except to say that what I am now is 24/7 hospice care for this lady. I love her. She is a gentle soul who only wants to "die at home".. That is immenant. Months, at most.
Herein lies my problem...she has 2 children within 10 miles, and 2 sisters who are "well off". Because my darling can't be left alone, at ALL, for fear of falling, I have to be here every day, all day, until she goes down for a nap. I have been putting out resumes and even snuck a couple of interviews into trips to the grocery and picking up her medicine.
There are people here from hospice every day of the week, and if I'm not here, I don't get the info. So my schedule revolves around those visits. Her family is under the impression that because they have "jobs, & a life", I DON'T!!!
I have been doing a $250 a day job, which I DID NOT SIGN ON FOR!, for months, for nothing! I am not asking for &1,750 a week, which is the going rate for someone 24/7. I have 2 bills to pay every month. They TOTAL $200!
Now wouldn't you think that a family of 4 could pony up $50 each a month to have someone take care of their mother/sister every month? I sure as shit do!
Because I can't get out of here to actively look for a job, I am faced with the fact that she is dying, and when she does, aside from the personal loss for me, I have NOWHERE to go, and no $$.
My children and friends have been telling me for months that I'm a fool, and being used. I've always argued . I really thought that I was doing something altruistic...something for someone but myself. And so I fought with my family and my friends. And actually, the only ones I should have been fighting with all along? HER FAMILY! They are the one's she grew up with, the one's she raised. Their's are the voices she wants to hear now! And she's stuck with me!
The one who empties the "pottie chair" every day, twice a day! The one who nags her 10 times a day to take her meds on time. Who cooks 3 hours a day so she will smell something good and want to eat!
If I weren't such a spiritual person, and didn't understand the concept of "what you send out comes BACK to you", I swear to?? I would send out that what they have/haven't given her would come back to them.
I digress. I just needed to vent. If anyone out there is gong thru this, please write. I have found that one of the most theraputic balms is just to know that you are NOT the only one!
Peace, and love the ones you take care of. Know that they are now, where you may someday be. Treat them accordingly.
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Hi mom. It's nice to have a (somewhat) anonymous forum to vent to, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteCertainly is, tho I'm dead if any of them see this! Of course, it IS how I feel. Guess somewhere in my vindictive soul, I'd LIKE for them to know what I think of them!!
ReplyDeletesee ya :)